the spear of the pain that you caused by being yourself. i can’t stand you being around me. no more please no more. why do you always have to torture me with your presence? i thought i would always be yours. to hold in your arms when i was down. to help me pick myself up if i fell. i guess i was wrong to think that you would always be there. now you tell everyone else that i am horrible. all that ever wanted was for you to be happy and get what you wanted. if i were to say that your happiness was what made me happy would that change anything? i feel sorry that you have lost me as a friend and even more so for the fact that i do not get to see you leave for your dream. yes i remember the one thing you wanted to do. the fact that you wanted to join with the navy and fight for your nation. when i think about life i hope you die while your out there. yet i also hope that you are happy and live life to its fullest. one thing that i hope you remember is how great you are. you even made me laugh on my worst and made my good days shine. how i hope you remember me the way i remember you. goodbye i say one last time as i let you go and drift off into nothingness because without you i found that i do not exist.

A Bird May Love A Fish...

But Where Would They Live?

Sometimes life is rough. Usually hope is the friend you can count on to get you through things; especially it feels like everyone else has jumped ship. But lately hope has been the enemy. After loss and pain and being left behind by people I care about the pain of hope is greater a burden than accepting the loss.

 I have changed my ways, though some things have stayed the same. Now that I have realized my faults, and the hurt I have caused the people I care about most, I cannot make amends because so few people can see the change. I will not be given another chance. So I have given up hoping for forgiveness and the day when everyone realizes we are all just teenagers and the things we do now are not permanent. I have moved on. Tomorrow is a new day (how cliché is that?) and I am not going to live in the past. Life is pushing, on whether or not I agree that it should. So I might as well pick myself up and follow.

Hope hurts, but its not permanent. Life will get better.

Chapter 3

Fire and Water

The Water Kindred treaded closer to the old council hall. Siren was ablaze with emotion. It had been many years since something had made her unsure in her action, but the child she had parted ways with miles back made her unable to think clearly. There were only two persons alive to this day that knew the girls past, and future. Siren was one of them, the other was her father. The girl had a mysterious past, which even she herself did not know. Siren only knew what her mother had told her when she left her in the care of Siren in the village of the water sign. Siren only knew the child had to be protected. She only knew that if any harm befalls on her, something would happen to change the world.*          *          *The night was calm, and the stars were brighter than usual. The planets were all in alignment, and she knew this could be the night of the coming of the girl. Days ago Siren had received word that a child had been born in the Village of Tine. She had heard whispers that the Fire Elder in Tine had foretold a prophecy the hour of the birth, and that the prophecy was meant for the baby girl. The Fire Elemental had a vision that the contract of time would expire with in the child’s lifetime, and it would be up to the child to finish the battle that had been left incomplete so many years ago. The mother of the newborn feared for her child’s life, and had sent word to the village of Adrid that she was unable to care for her child and would be sending it to the care of Siren, who was to raise it as an innocent girl, and to say nothing about the prophecy. Her mother had told the messenger to keep what the prophet Elemental had told her a secret. And only to tell the Village Elder of Adrid that if this prophecy were to come true, the Tine Elder had said it was sure to claim her life. So here Siren stood in the door of her house waiting for this small baby, who had the power to change the world. A slight movement at the gate told her that the messenger with the baby had arrived. As he moved closer, Siren could make out the features of his face, and she was sure she knew him. “Feothan?” she spoke into the night. “Feothan is that you?”“Hush you’ll wake the whole village,” he replied. As he got closer to her stoop she could see the tears that streamed down his face. He would not look at her, but nor would he look at he child in his arms. He stood in front of her, and she could see all the pain in his eyes. He did not explain why it was he who had come, and not the fire village messenger, or even what he had been doing in the fire village, but Siren could guess by his wet cheeks, and the permanent frown on his face. He handed the small bundle that was the baby to her and started to leave. Siren looked down at her and into her green eyes that sparkled and glistened in the moonlight, and back up to where Feothan had stood.“Feothan, I do not condone what you have done,” Siren whispered to him as he walked away towards the gate. “I will keep her safe until the time comes that her destiny will unfold. I expect for you to be the one to tell her the truth, and I expect that you will do it on your own. I cannot say anything; I promised Naomi I would not tell her of the prophecy. It is up to you, and only you.” She knew he could still hear her even though he was no longer in sight. And she knew that when the time came, he would do what he knew to be right.*          *          *The memory of the night Aquarian came to Siren welled in her head, and Siren started to become sure of herself again. The old council hall came into view, just as the sun peaked over the horizon and onto the tall rocks that lingered in the grass as the Kindred exited the wood. Siren knew she had stayed true to what she told Feothan almost seventeen years ago.  She had kept the girl safe and the prophecy a secret.  It was in Feothan’s hands now to tell the girl of who she was, and what she had really been born to do.*          *          *Aquarian and Feothan continued their path in the wood, and sunlight began to peak though the overgrown trees. Aquarian could tell by the silence that now befell them that there was something Feothan was not telling her, and she was trying to find the words to ask him the truth, but the sound of footsteps and the clanking of a staff interrupted her thoughts. She had been looking down at her feet and watching the dirt and smooth pebbles pass her. Her head moved upward to see what had been making the noise. She saw for the first time in her comparatively short life the entire Kindred of Wind Elementals.  Feothan stopped and waited for their paths to cross, before gliding forth and greeting them with a bow and a smile. “The night has passed, and Mennen tells me that the clouds move closer. We are close to Talahm, what is it you wanted to show this human?” An Elemental at the front of the Kin asked. Aquarian was confused. Had the entire kingdom known she had been following Siren? And how did they know she was with Feothan now going to Talahm? “She has a past with me. Siren wanted to show the girl what will happen if the Elementals vanish from Talbarah. That is the meaning of this.” Feothan stood erect, and held his head up high. The girl didn’t know what was going on, but she was soon to find out.*          *          *The Water Kindred marched on closer to the council hall. A sigh of relief exited their mouths as the old vine covered building came into view for the rest of the Kin. Siren slowed down as the long line of Fire Elementals appeared form over the northern hills. Ahead of the procession was a tall dark man. His face was covered in tattoos of fire colored black and purple. The staff he wielded bore the same markings as Feothan’s and Siren’s. They were a burnt orange that faded into sky blue, and the crystal imbedded in the top was clear, like all the staffs of Element. He wore a black robe that covered his body, and his head was almost hidden under the hood. Siren stopped her procession, and waited.   Over the western hill came the Kindred of the Wind Elementals. Hand in hand, Aquarian and Feothan lead them onward. Siren smiled, feeling that the secret she had kept all these long years was off her shoulders. She could tell by Feothan’s dimpled smile, and the way that Aquarian’s bright eyes glistened that he had told her. Told her the truth about her past and the prophecy, and about her mother. In her heart, Siren wished Naomi had been standing beside her, sharing this moment. But in her mind, Siren knew that wherever the girl’s mother was, she was better off not knowing her daughter was soon to be consumed by what the prophecy had foretold, the death of Aquarian.

Note:Hello, this is the second half of chapter 1 and all of chapter 2. Thank you for reviewing, and for any comments you may have.

Moving south, the terrain had gotten steadily rougher as they neared the
base of the mountain. Coming out of the forest, the rocks that jutted up
from the ground seamed to become more jagged, and knife like, and although
the grass had gotten harsher miles ago, the tall thin stalks became scarcer.
Night fall was upon them, but it seamed to the human girl there was no sign
of stopping for the Water Elementals.
 The sun slowly drifted behind the mountain, and then the bleak night
engulfed them. Her feet hurt from the march, but she drove herself onward. A
thought entered her head that made her move faster. Louder her muscles and
frame swore at her. Her pace quickened, her heart raced, and her bones
ached. She must have realized what was happening, and she knew that if she
did not hurry, the vanishing Elementals would disappear soon leaving her in
the dust.
 A council meeting was a once in a life time sight to witness. There would
be at least one Fire and Wind elemental at the hall. And despite what the
legend told, this would be a perfect opportunity to see the Earth Gohn. It
was not an elemental, but rather the descendant of one, mostly human, still
possessing the power to weald a staff of Element.
 Elementals can produce healthy offspring with humans, but most hold their
noses up to the thought of it. Mixing species is not exactly the brightest
idea; one never knows what could result. There are only a few of them,
half-breeds known as a Gohn. They must spend most of their time trying to
blend in with the human side of Talbara since their kind is strictly
unaccepted by the Elemental side. This gathering is one of the few times a
Gohn can have civilized conversation with elementals, and have a voice in
the decisions made by them.
 For a few more long hours, the girl marched on thinking about how exciting
it would be to meet a human elemental. She was so deep in thought that she
almost didn't notice the water Elementals slowing their pace and turning
back into the tree thicket away from the tall grass, sharp rocks, and
mountain mahogany that had become their trail. She followed making sure to
stay somewhat hidden, although she didn't know for sure that the kin of
Elementals would greatly protest her presence. She was convinced the humans
were bound to find out what was happening anyway. The kin stopped suddenly
and another blast of air came rushing through the wood. Ahead of the
procession was Siren, who had her back to the rest of the kin. Stagnant she
stood waiting. The wind began to encircle her, and then it came to a
standstill.
 "I thought you were following us. Feothan." Siren spoke in a confidant
voice. The wind Elemental that had been in Arid gusted into a solid form,
and smiled in a friendly sort of way. There was something different about
him this crossing. He held one of the staffs of Element. It was glass
looking, clear and bore the same harsh markings on the stem that Siren's
staff did, but they were evergreen colored. His long white hair was tied
back in a ponytail, and his skin was so pail if it had been snowing, the
girl would have lost track of his thin body. He was the same age as Siren,
and looked just as young. His features were almost perfect and the way he
moved, even when he stood corporeal, was especially graceful and light, like
the wind. His long white cloak was made out of a thick velvet fabric, and his tan
pants and blouse clung loosely to his body, and rippled in the wind that was passing.
The tall boost on his feet were a dark green color, almost matching his staff.
 "The breeze has been blowing in an odd direction for the past hour or so.
You wouldn't have anything to do with that, would you?" Siren asked.
 "I have been following you," he lowered his airy voice so only siren could
hear his words, "why are you taking the old path towards Talamh, there is no
reason to go there. It is an abandoned village now. Without the earth
Elementals to run the hall the admin couldn't keep order over the humans and
everything fell apart. They all left. The town is empty now, just ruins, you
know this."
 "The child, the one who follows us,"
 "Oh so you did notice,"
 "Yes we've all noticed," siren replied impatiently, "She needs to know. She
has a role yet to play in the council, what it is I'm uncertain, but I have
a feeling, and you know my feelings are never wrong," She straightened up
and stared at Feothan with an expression of knowing. Siren always seems to
have the right answer, or be positive of the outcome of any situation. The
look on her face and the feeling in her heart was sure and confidant, so
Feothan did not question her. After all Siren was one of the oldest and
wisest of all the Elementals.
 "You are wasting time going this path, let me take her, we will move
quicker if its just the two of us," He lowered he voice even more, "she has
a familiar presence to her, an energy similar to Naomi's. Do you think she."
 "I don't know," Siren cut him off, "you guide her, but tell her nothing we
don't need her or someone else knowing. I feel another presence near, I'm
not convinced it should be welcomed with information kept hidden for thus
long. Understand?" Siren's voice cut sharply on her last word. Feothan
nodded to her, and then bowed with respect. Siren returned the gesture and
then the water Elementals began to move again.
 "Child walk with me, I will show you the path from here," Feothan's voice
was no louder than a whisper, but seemed to come from the wind bouncing off
the trees coming from every direction as it echoed through the woods.
The girl realized he was referring to her and stepped out of her hiding
place behind a large leafy bush. She slowly walked closer to the wind
Elemental, and he held out a hand of welcome. His face was unemotional
however, so she did not quite understand the gesture, and paused.
 "What is your name girl?" Feothan spoke in a calm, soft sort of way almost
like a whisper, but louder.
 "Shelia," She spoke in a nervous manner, and didn't know why but this made
her embarrassed so she looked to the ground while her cheeks flushed
brightly. This action made Feothan smile, and he glided closer to her.
 "I meant your sign," He said still smiling friendly.
 "Aquarian," she replied as her face lifted from the ground and gazed at
the Elemental before her. He studied her features for what seamed like a
long time before saying,
 "Heh, I knew your mother."

Chapter 2
Leon's Stronghold
 
 The height of the mountain and the way the moon fell on the towers and
walls of carved rock made the fortress look mysterious, and threatening.
Light shone through windows and cracks in doors onto the side of the
mountain casting eerie shadows on its slope, while sounds of laughter and applause came from the main floor.
 Leon stood on the balcony of his quarters staring off into the distance and
listening to the roar of noise coming from the dinner region. Although the
celebration was in his honor, he felt nausea at the thought of going to join
the party. He let his thoughts wander in and out of focus while trying not
to pay too much attention to the racket from below. The day had been long
and strenuous and he was tired, but the thought of sleep seemed like an old
joke to Leon. He wondered if his father would have approved of his actions
due to the recent loss of his mother, or if he would have told him to put on
a face and join the fun. Sometimes Leon felt so lost without his father's
guidance, and now the pain of losing his mother weighed more heavily on him
as the burden of ruling Talbara passed so quickly into his lap. His family
was vanishing like the Wind Elementals, except they would not return to his sight.
 Too overwhelmed by thoughts of the slow-paced week, he decided to go for a
walk to cool his head. Quietly sneaking out of the fortress, he headed down
the rocky dirt road in darkness. Being of the lion kindred, Leon could see
quite well in the bleak darkness that surrounded him. Having traits similar
to the free-roaming lions served the kindred well in the forest, they could
hear prey or enemies sneaking up, ready to attack, and see the path they
tread when the sun could no longer guide their way.
 It was cold out, and Leon wished he had thought to bring his thick cloak to
keep himself warm, but he figured if he could keep moving fast enough the
air wouldn't seem as chilling. As he walked he listened to the song of the
nocturnal forest. Exotic animals rarely seen in daylight scurried about,
while birds who kept Leon awake at the fortress when night fell were louder
here, and their song seemed more obnoxious than ever.
 Leon's mother was a gentle sort of woman who had love for the forest on the
slope of Brink, and when Leon was a boy she would take him walking through
it. They would laugh at the funny insects and odd creatures they would
happen upon as she gave him lessons about Talbara. But the world he knew
seemed to disappear when it was just the two of them, and everything was
knew. Once Leon almost stepped on a walking stick bug thinking it was just
another twig in the road. His mother screamed at him telling him not
everything it as it seems and he should be more wary of where he let his
foot fall.
 The fond memories that flooded his overwhelmed mind gave him a moment of
peace. As if the world did not exist, and it was just Leon, alone in the
forest with his Mother again.
 The peacefulness was broken when out of the corner of his eye Leon could see
a large figure on the path. A human wouldn't have been able to hear their
voices over the sound of the night, but Leon could hear them quite clearly.
 "She was a beautiful woman, your mother. I had not been told that she had
any children before she died," Feothan's voice was distant although he was
drawing very near.
 "Truthfully I didn't know her very well. She died when I was four, and the
village elders raised me after that. I asked about her constantly, but no
one seemed extremely interested in telling to me about her." Aquarian had a
much more distinct voice than her companion, although she looked so timid
and small. She was a young little thing, barely old enough to call herself a
woman.
 The finery Leon was accustomed to made him cringe at the sight of the
girl's appearance. The raggedy scraps of cloth she wore had been poorly sewn
together to create a very makeshift dress, while her dark brown hair was
knotted and askew to create a sort of mad look about her. The cloak that was
draped across her shoulders was torn and old, but the cloth, Leon could
tell, had been quite a catch in its prime. The smooth pale face of the girl
was covered in dirt smudges. Leon thought she would have been quite a
beautiful girl had she been cleaned up, and then she looked up and her eyes
gave her away. The sort of green eyes he had heard stories of Earth
Elementals possessing. The green was so bright, and had a mystical quality
about it that made her now seem not dirty, but mysterious. She walked
quickly, and her companion, he could tell, set the pace. They neared the
bend where Leon stood, and he concealed himself behind a tree. The dark
night would have hidden him well enough if the girl's companion didn't have
a lantern.
 As they stepped in front of Leon, he saw the light the man carried was not
a lantern, but a staff of Element. The crystal imbedded in the top of the
staff was aglow, and set off quite a bit of light. They moved past, and Leon
decided to follow them. Wind Elementals hardly ever come this close to the
fortress, and they are it is even rarer to see them with humans.
 After the rise of the Lion Kindred, the Elementals went quietly into the
villages. They became known as the village elders, and governed the towns
like mayors. Elementals were old and wise, and the humans knew enough not to
protest their power. After time past however, they slowly started to lose
their power over the humans, and had to settle as towns' people. Humans
accepted the Elementals as just another person in the village, but the
Elementals still had power in their staffs, and even though they recognized
this new place in life, they envied the old ways.
 Leon crept quietly following the two strangers, curious to learn more about
the arcane maiden. He darted swiftly form trees to overgrown shrubbery and
ferns, careful to stay hidden from the soft glow of the Elemental's staff.
"It seems silly of me to ask now, but how did you know my Mother?"
Aquarian's face was lit with interest. Her eyes looked to Feothan, and bored
into him. It wasn't the type of stair that sends shivers up one's spine and
makes one want to run and hide from those eyes. It was a stair that looked
into Feothan's soul, that made him feel safe and as though he had known this
young girl all his life.
 "I met her a long time ago, she was probably just a little older than you,"
he smiled, and held his head high as if he was looking into his past and
could see happy memories in the stage of darkness that surrounded them, "she
had been lost for hours probably, and the sun had been set for a while. I
didn't sleep much in those days, and had been wandering in the forest near
Seithe, the wind village. I could hear her crying through the wind. I went
to her, and took her back to the Village. She said she had been looking for
a man who had told her about an old contract, one that could be used against
the Superiors."
 Leon stopped dead in his tracks; he didn't care if the staff revealed his
presence. That contract was well known to the royal Family of the Lion
Kindred. His father, Superior Ragoth, had told Leon about it as a child, and
he knew that if humans had knowledge of it, the entire kingdom of Talbara
could fall apart.

Note: Ok so I decided to break it down since I was not getting any comments. This is half of chapter 1, and the forward, which isnt that long, but it is still more than most people like to read. Even if you read just the forward, I would appreciate any feedback you have to offer... Eg: I liked this part, I didnt like this, it would be better if you said this instead of this, or any facts you have to offer about the setting (yea I know it is fiction, but there is alot about Elementals on the web from Greek Mythology).

Devour entire civilizations in one sweaty palm of American greed.  Infants crawling bleeding from eye sockets vomiting rotten injustice screaming please mommy just one more needle full of dope.  Inconsistent anti resistance government raping the corpses of “the people”, one nation under god as our sadist leader, unbelievable this is the truth we ---- -- ---- off invisible omnipotent entities  , rephrase rename every obscenity to stifle the cry of (no) freedom of speech, as we teach each aborted fetus of this diseased reality by never giving them a chance, coat hangers coax future Picassos and Rembrandts  in shredded clumps out of crack whores all because daddy was just 50 $ and were all worth half an eight ball these days, or so the pusher man says.

I am EVIL.

The dark prince reincarnate.

the whisper leading you to take another hit,

another life.

This is the scream of an abusive drunk

playing the piano with a little girls face

crush, crush, blood spills

i am that sick crimson

when it dances on your blade

i can taste the hate

i breathe this hate

as you peal flesh from your face

crying out for someone to save you

i am the thought that casts you too deep down the rabbit whole

to an abyss, that, in truth

is less scary then living in my mind.

They called you strong

You called me weak

They said you're tough

You said I'm meek

But you wont cry In ront of me

You show no pain Or empathy

You put up walls You push away

You wont say help Or say please stay

You look at me You say you're fine

But I can see I'm not blind

Your smile is fake And so is your laugh

You look through me You look right past

You cant say now I need you

If you think its wrong When I do

So dont come near Dont look right past

Dont smile at me Or fake your laugh

They called you strong

I call you weak

They said your though

I say you're meek

'cause you wont cry In front of me

You show no pain, No empathy...

the first word is

Sinisterness, Hoffnungsvolle Liebe, Spontaneous, Risque, GRATUITOUS, Nitafurahi, Pariah AIluropoda microta, Compassionate, Anathema, Vigorous, Rigormortis, Shy, pirate, Crazedflamboant, ompaloskepsis, Lil Angclita, Paranuaricutirimicuaro, Remembrance,Pugnacious, and the last word is ZYGOTE

and those are the words on the green strip on the top part of the wall around Donna's room.

And this has be and up date for Donnas room from Donnas room.

Alright, here's a little poetry thing I was reading around and found. I'm not sure the purpose of it other than to just write, but I thought it would be interesting and might engage a few people. It would atleast give me more to respond to than just comments under my posts.

The first poster writes a haiku in form 5-7-5, and the responder writes a 7-7. This keep alternating in '5-7-5' - '7-7' - '5-7-5' until we stop. Roger that? Now I'll let the first person who posts a comment in here respond with one, whatever topic you want, and we, the audience will try to respond in a timely manner and keep the ball rolling. First post first served, so if, by some miracle, this thread ever sees more than 1 active person at a time trying to post, just check your post and if it accidentally has someone cut in front of it, just fix your post.

Try to keep responses on topic.. if there *is* a topic.

 Set. Go.

we, Olde Columbine

without force or drive to post

becoming silence

If I begged for you to beat me 

Would you?

 If I pleaded for you to kill me 

Could you? 

If I asked you to destroy me 

Would you be capable?

 If I came to you with tears in my eyes 

Would you be able?

 When im down on my knees 

Will you hate me? 

When im broken and bleeding 

Will you still degrade me? 

Before the bruises heal 

would you renew them? 

Though I already have these scars 

could you produce them? 

Would you save me from myself 

If I only asked you- 

Turn the numbness into pain 

If I allowed you to? 

Will you be the sadist  

To my masochist? 

Could you leave me there for dead 

If that's all I wanted from this

In the kitchen today:

Inflated coffee beans, waxy sheen, yielding and soft, flawed, and as addictive as any other misfit to society. Trendy, aren't they? A thin chocolate mask on the outside, like an emo kid, with the same old blah blah peanut inside. They said they were different.

Just a peanut!

Crushed, tormented, like a bean burrito in the middle of the highway, and just as appetizing. You have one reflex: revulsion. Appearing to be a bean, but upon closer inspection, it could be ham or some sort of sausage. (Though after Devlin's taste test, it was really a piece of chicken)

In the front office:

A symbol of corporate prosperity across from symbols of recycling. The common man's rat nest with failed movies, puzzle pieces, note boards, and his shining monument to what he wishes he could one day be: the Pepsi machine. Like mixing zucchini and strawberries, this office leaves a confusing taste in your mouth. It's a good thing it is made to be walked through, not lived in. It has the feel of a fast food restaraunt's lobby. Yeah, you can be here, but why? Move along. The bathroom is for paying customers only.

In the cafeteria:

The big empty room where there is not activity enough for it to be worth the money it took to build. Hollow and fake, like Devlin's ............................................ Jeep. If only this had a better location, it would be alive. A pet store located in an alley would have a better chance at traffic. This is as empty and devoid of life as OCHS's prom. If only it had a fountain. And mature loiterers.

In the playground of CDC:

All the rust and background noise of an inner-city playground. Staging ground and veteran of 7 gang wars, 2 games of tag, and one roll of caution tape around the merry-go-round. Deemed hazardous and rightly so with it's 10 gallons of lead-based paint over asbestos slides and bars. You never can tell when the place might suddenly combust. Dig under the swings and you'll find the fallout shelter. Stagnant water and raw rats to eat. Life is good. Have to keep those children safe -- Cold War style.

Smoker's elongated pit (or ditch):

We must love to smoke. No hastily snubbed butts for us. All the way to the filter. Clean, finished, done. Wait, are we describing cigarette butts or the future well-being of our heavy smokers?

See what Q4/07 Creative Writers have to say about cliches - look at the comments here and add your knowledge on the topic.

Here's my little ditty (not about Jack and Diane!):

Cliche Chick

She doesn't know How now Brown Cow.

She doesn't, but stays the course anyway --

puts one foot in front of the other until

her eyes sparkle like diamonds with THE ANSWER.

When asked, "How now," however, THE ANSWER slips

her mind.

People thinks she's dumb

as a box of rocks but

truth be told, it was her haste

that made waste of her thinking.

See, she knew her time was money so she hurried

to THE TRUTH which eluded her

(as it always does).  She was

fast as a speeding bullet but

missed the mark.

This is sad but true. 

I scream your name.  my words bleeding with hypocrisy.  My heart breaking for your smile.  I cant do this anymore, I just cant do this.

I slit my wrists, sweet crimson on my lips.  But oh the bruises how they grow underneath those fists.  I cant do this anymore, I just cant do this.

My hands are shaking,  all this hate that blinds me.  All these words that haunt me, but im still worthless.  I cant do this anymore, I just cant do this.

these silent tears are choking me, reaching for the hands that torture me, all this suffering consuming me.  I cant do this anymore, I just cant do this.

Contempt jeers at me through my mirror,  always ugly, never good enough.  I cant do this anymore, I just cant do this.

Crawling into darkness, but your voice still follows me, mocking me, not even the drugs can save me now.  I cant do this anymore, I just cant do this. 

What do you think of me?

Of how I write, of all the words I’ve shared with you

So trapped among your thoughts and grades of papers

Turn the page, does it reveal lifes answers?

As you sit and jot what ever it may be

Silence, cough, gone unnoticed, or so you thought

Stillness, then you walk

To fidget among so many scattered items

Back turned and all the secrets your eyes reveal are gone

Fabric rustles , a story created in the folds of your cardigan

Heavy strides for such a tiny person

Traveling with so much purpose over inches of time worn carpet

Explain, so confused, you reach and receive an image

One so full of questions

What do you see?

Is it all the ideas of a teacher you think I miss?

The hidden messages your voice carries as you speak

A whisper, an ear shattering cry

Slipped between the young tone you use

These things you thought I’d never hear

As you stand being dissected by my eyes

How does one describe you?

This page was great last month.  It was

fresh. Today

it's wrinkly fingers

sitting still on Grandma's lap and

purple against a white hospital blanket. 

It's a to do list with shopping basket tire

tracks running up the front.

It's discarded and my heart is breaking.

I wanted to read you. 

So as I have thought about how to come about a solution for people using paintball guns in the wrong way.  I can not really come up with any ideas except for my own opinion.  It seems that the only way people can help or even start to prevent this problem is to be more aware of the paintball gun, its capabilities and the injuries it can cause.  As I have looked around trying to find a solution I have found that it is just on the rise and people are debating weither it should be dealt with on legal terms or should be dealt with as a society.  

In this article I read I found out a lot about paintball guns and their ablities that I would have never imagined.   Like a fact I found hard to imagine is the paintballs actually can shoot up to 200-300 feet per second.  If you go threw and read this article I am sure you will find interesting and outstanding facts.

So like I said in my own opinion I would start by putting more information in the media about paintball guns in general. 

this is just some utterance from todays prompted. would you watch an execution on live telivision.

Every splitting second of telivision is subtle gushing hecatomb of Humanity, being torn and exploited through the thought control of inflicted words peircing the individual aspects of who you are. spit your opinions into the wind and see what happens, it actualy kind of funny.

Im curious to ask any viewers? Do you consider youself an indvidual and if so, how. responde if you like. ha dance in the show and love your conformaty.

So as I have read some more articles I have come to realize that this has been a problem for a while but now it is on the rise.  "While aggravated assaults increased from 128 last year to 156—with 111 reported in 2004—most of the incidents accounting for this year’s rise were paintball attacks on pedestrians and motorists in which no injuries were recorded beyond bruises and welts." It is crazy in my eyes how people are getting hurt by these so called toys on a daily basis!  Like thie article I have linked you to in the beginning, is based on statistics that were posted in Dec. of 2006.  Do you think it is a matter of putting a law on these guns or a matter of kids and parents being more aware of the dangers?  

Now, many people have the question of, "how can we stop the crime?"  But in my eyes I do not think it will ever be put to a stop but the rates could  very possible be reduced.  In my opinion I think the only way to reduce this rate is to make the community more aware of the dangers behind these toys.

In this article I found some information that might be well worth reading when thinking of purchasing a paintball gun, weither you are a parent or a teen buying one.  There are some facts that could lead you to not buy one unless you are involved in the sport. Like this quote got my to say ..."wow"... "Most paintball guns shoot a 68 caliber paint pellet. The pellet is a thin plastic shell filled with a water soluble paint. Guns shoot the pellets at a speed of 200 to 300 feet per second. Since the paint pellets are fairly light (only weighing a few grams each), they have little momentum while in flight, and thus are not lethal like the heavy lead projectiles fired from conventional firearms."  As you will find out there is more power behind these toys then we could ever imagine!

  Did you know that cigeretes have over 4,000 chemicals, many of these are know to be harmful and cause cancers. Here are some things that they have in them bet you didn't see these coming.

  Formaldehyde, this is what is used to preserve dead bodies. Acetone, this is what takes off your nailpolish girls.Carbon Monoxide, this comes out of the exaust pipe of your car.  Hydrogen Cyanide, poison in the gas chambers.Arsenic, yup thats right rat poison, and Nicotine the most addictive substance there is according to quit- smoking stop.

  These chemicals are things we use in everyday life, but in  a very different way. I think by educating people of these truths we can help other quit too. I also think we should educate children on every aspect of smoking because after all it is the most addictive habit there is.