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crewriting :: Weblog :: The Brink of Existence

October 07, 2008

Note: Ok so I decided to break it down since I was not getting any comments. This is half of chapter 1, and the forward, which isnt that long, but it is still more than most people like to read. Even if you read just the forward, I would appreciate any feedback you have to offer... Eg: I liked this part, I didnt like this, it would be better if you said this instead of this, or any facts you have to offer about the setting (yea I know it is fiction, but there is alot about Elementals on the web from Greek Mythology).

>Forward<
Who heals the earth when fire destroys it?
I do.
Who gives life to a seedling brand new?
I do.
Who caused the contract of time to appear?
I did.
Who hides in wait for a lion to draw near?
I do.
I am the last of a race thought extinct
  And I come reborn when white snow falls on Brink
It has been a legend for many thousands of years that a child of the earth
waits in hiding for a superior to come. And that we will only see her when
snow covers the mountain, Brink. The legend has been told to the children of
the villages as a bed time story for as long as it has been alive. Mostly
children pass it off as myth and fantasy, because they know there hasn't
been a single snowflake on that mountain since before the superiors rose up
and took charge of the land.
  It happened in a great battle in ancient times that the people of the lion
kindred challenged the Elementals for the right to superiority. The war
lasted for three hundred years. The lion kindred battled the elements and
every last strength the Elementals could conjure. Then finally, after almost
all the Elementals had been destroyed, the fighting ceased, and the lions
arose as the superiors. No answer had been given to man as to why the war
ended. It was as though a piece of the story had been left out, or hidden.
Some of the villagers assumed the Elementals had become too weak, and didn't
want to risk extinction so they surrendered. Others think it has something
to do with why there are no longer any Earth elementals, so to speak. But
what ever the reason, the Lion kindred now rule the kingdom of Talbara, and
the Elementals, controllers of wind, fire, earth, and water, have become as
inferior as the humans…
Chapter 1
Down by the Water's Shore
 Nestled in the soft grass on the bank of Still Waters, the village of Arid
stands much the same as it has for hundreds of years. The children of the
water sign play peacefully in the streets as the market of trade transpires
every morning, and the busy villagers move briskly about from isle to isle
browsing the stock.
 Beyond tents and tapestries, herbs in bunches, and women calling, "fresh
fish for sale!", or, "Shells caught this morning!" an old woman sits holding
a staff of great beauty. The long, white stem is covered in harsh blue
carvings while the tip is embellished with jewels of solid clear water. The
hands wrapped around it are smooth and supple, not the hands one would
expect to see on such an ancient body, although nothing about her looks old.
The features of her face are young and soft, and her pale blue skin has a
reflective quality about it that makes her look as though she just stepped
out of the nearby ocean. The long garment she wears is velvety and dark
concealed behind a deep blue veil of gossamer wrapping her loosely. Long
silver hair drapes over her shoulders, and down into her lap, resting in
little swirls that would remind one of waves on a shore. Her thin frame sits
tall and unmoving, while her black eye glint slowly back and forward seeing
all before her, and taking in the action.
 Commotion arises from the gate, and the way the other Water Elementals
react she first thinks there must be a superior at the entrance. Fleetingly,
a strong gust of wind comes about and there before her is the bent figure of
a seemingly young man. He seams almost transparent, disappearing entirely in
places and then reappearing rapidly. Just as suddenly as the wind had
started, it stops, and he becomes corporeal. He is a Wind Elemental.
 "Siren," He spoke softly as if he was telling a secret he didn't want the
people of the village, who were all intently staring (some with confusion),
to hear, "Siren, the wind has changed, and clouds from the north roll in
fast. Storm clouds. Its time."
 "Clouds have come from the north before; they always disappear before they
reach the Fire village." Siren, the Water Elemental spoke with certainty.
He stands straight, and replies "They have past the boundaries; they
darken as they move towards the range. You know what is happening, the
council must reconvene."
 "It is time then. All these years of waiting and it happens on the spring
equinox," She smiles lightheartedly.
 "It is the day of renewing life, it would make sense," He smiles back. Then
with nothing more than a wink, the Wind Elemental disappears back through
the gate with a great gust of wind, making many a market chicken flit and
flutter with excitement. The gate closes and the people of the water sign
stand with eyes wide and faces of curiosity pointing at Siren.
 She stands up slowly, and searches the crowd for other Water Elementals.
Then like the crash of a wave her song rings out:
 "Come away with me water of sea. The council on land has reconvened."
 With that the Water Elementals swiftly vanishes through the gate, leaving
the human villagers stunned, and excited. Not knowing what is happening,
they start to whisper. Only one girl had been close enough to hear the
conversation between the Wind Elemental and Siren. And while everybody is
busy discussing the commotion, and what they had just seen this young,
human, girl slips through the gate unnoticed, and follows the trail of
disturbed ground left behind by the quickly disappearing Elementals. She
doesn't know why, but something seamed familiar about the energy in the air,
and the feeling of desperation brought on by the stressed face of her
village leader.
   

Keywords: english credit novel, fiction Novel, The Brink of Existence

Posted by Momo S. @ crewriting


Comments

  1. its good, but instead of describing the staff with great detail you could describe the woman a bit more I personally would like more on specificly on if she looks like a kind woman. Only saw a few ('s) missing. Over all spelling was alright and the details were pretty much all taken care of. It made me just want to know more about the man and the womans relationship.

    Red on Thursday, 16 October 2008, 11:30 MDT # |

  2. Yeah, i'm gonna have to agree with red ont his one a little bit. I wasn't wuite sure how to picture the old woman. You said she was old, but the qualities you described made her sound kind of young? I guess just maybe a little more clarification on that would be good. (It's not a big issue though). Same goes for the Wind Elemental guy. Well, now that i think about it, maybe a little more description on the whole thing. Just a little though. To say kind of how these people are living. In huts or if they have houses off shore or what? Ya know? Yeah, im very curious about the man and the woman too.

    Shane on Wednesday, 10 December 2008, 18:22 MST # |

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